In Honor of Arizona

As of August 23rd in Arizona pregnancy now begins two weeks BEFORE conception. Apparently the laws of biology can be trumped by Jan Brewer’s mighty pen.

This is, of course, not about subjugating women, but about protecting the unborn. It is not about being able to prosecute a women for drinking in public, ahem, child endangerment, before she knows she is pregnant. It is not about making women second class citizens by issuing a proclamation that legally assumes every woman is pregnant until proven otherwise. No, this is all about saving unborn, and even preconceived, children.

I think that in honor of this new law that says a woman is pregnant before she has even had sex, we should at least try to tip the scales in favor of equality and fairness.

I propose a new law. It is even grounded in some semblance of scientific possibility.

I propose that Arizona, and all states contemplating personhood and fetal protection laws, also pass a law stating that a man becomes a father the second he ejaculates during an act of sex. From that moment forward he is beholden to the woman, and potential child. He is financially responsible for half of her health care costs. He is responsible for half of her rent, food costs, and other living expenses.

This shouldn’t be a problem, after all men shouldn’t be having sex out of wedlock anyway.

However for those who are, the law can declare a percentage of income equal to the average alimony and child support payment that the man must pay to the woman from that moment forward until the child is born and has graduated college, just like any dedicated father would.

If men want a say at the abortion table, then they must also step up to the parenting table.

If this seems too burdensome, there is another solution. One that would not require anyone to change their behavior, lifestyles or beliefs. After all, I keep hearing that the abortion debate isn’t about sex, or slut shaming, or restricting women’s choices. Remember, it’s all about the unborn.

It turns out that unplanned and unwanted pregnancies are caused by penises ejaculating sperm into a vagina. So, if we truly want to end abortion, we need to go to the root of this problem. We need to stop the sperm.

Let’s pass a new law that says that from this day forward when a boy reaches puberty and begins producing viable sperm, he must undergo a vasectomy. This will prevent him from getting anyone pregnant with his sperm, thus eliminating the need for abortions. Or birth control. Or sex ed.

All of the things the current GOP wants to do away with.

Then, when the boy finds a woman who will marry him, vouch for him and sign a consent form, he can get the vasectomy reversed.

This way men can still have all the sex they want. And rape, legitimate or otherwise, will never burden the GOP with an unwanted or politically inconvenient pregnancy again.

Vasectomies are minimally invasive, they no longer even require sutures. They are also reversible in most cases.

If women must bear the full risks and results of an unwanted pregnancy whether it was their choice to get pregnant or not, I think it is only fair that men bear their share of the responsibility for getting women pregnant in the first place

Want to end abortion? Pass the vasectomy law today!



Filed under Of Course I'm a Feminist, Rant

10 responses to “In Honor of Arizona

  1. Pat Finley

    Brilliant, Bree!

  2. Seriously? I know I say that a lot but, Seriously? I was really hoping you were linking to an article on The Onion….but alas, no. Well, if pregnancy happens two weeks before conception, I’m just going to jump on the old hypothetical bandwagon and go ahead and announce that Charlize Theron is having my kid. So, hypothetically, in two weeks, my wife will be very pissed at me and Charlize… So….yeah…wow.

    • I wish that I had been linking to an Onion article too. This is why, whatever your stance on finances, I am urging everyone I know to vote NOT GOP. I don’t care if you vote for Obama – just don’t vote for the “legitimate rape” “conception begins before intercourse” party of science denial.
      Denial – not just a river in Egypt anymore… 😦

  3. Rebecca Visscher

    Love it.

  4. Brilliant! I heard about this a few days ago and still feel a little in shock. I love your response though. Thanks for sharing!

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