Conspiracy Theory Update

Pulling on the #RantyPants for this one.

ranty pants

People are people, yes, even women.

So, a year and a half ago I floated a conspiracy theory about the GOP and the war on women.

It went something like this: The GOP, which claims to be all about jobs, but is really all about enacting harmful legislation restricting women’s access to reproductive health care including birth control and abortion, knows exactly what it is doing.

abortion restrictions graph


The GOP is deliberately trying to force more women into pregnancy and, hopefully, out of the workplace, in order to create the illusion of more jobs and more opportunity because for every woman who leaves the work force, there is a man waiting to take her place. And the women who leave the work force because of pregnancy, or to raise children don’t show up on the unemployment roles. Ta-da! Instant job creation!

I was angry when I wrote that. I was fed up with the relentless onslaught of legislation restricting my rights and the rights of my daughters to determine our own futures, our own sexuality, and the timing and size of our families.

I put it out there as a half-serious, and scared, and half-joking, and angry, hypothesis. The truth is, I didn’t want to believe that the GOP could really be that clever and conniving.

Today – GOP congressman Bob Goodlatte actually spoke my conspiracy theory OUT LOUD. And he wasn’t joking.

He really believes that the new GOP anti-abortion bill that just passed the house committee will… create jobs!

Yes, limiting women’s reproductive choices is a real economy booster…

Except, of course, it isn’t.

Keeping women barefoot and pregnant doesn’t raise the standard of living, or put food in anyone’s mouths, or keep roofs over anyone’s heads… We have an economy that makes it really, really hard for a family to live on a single average American salary. Which means, barefoot and pregnant equals poverty. Which means government assistance, not the self-sufficiency that the GOP claims to want to achieve.

Now, I know, I know, those slutty sluts could just stop having sex if they don’t want to get pregnant.

So, men, are you ready to give it up? The sex? Because if women are only safe having sex when they actively WANT to get pregnant, well… That’s a whole lot of not shagging going on.

These policies need to start having consequences for men too. Men need to understand that women don’t get pregnant in a vacuum.

Luckily, the great Charlie Glickman has posted a lovely piece on redefining sexual success. Perhaps all those forced-birthers should give it a read so they can prepare themselves for their intercourseless futures.

Or, I guess they could just go with another lovely GOP candidate, Dick Black (You can’t make this stuff up) who thinks that there’s no such thing as marital rape. I mean, she gave consent on the altar amiright!?!




Filed under Of Course I'm a Feminist, Rant

6 responses to “Conspiracy Theory Update

  1. omtatjuan

    The party of old white men who are afraid of giving up their power… That GOP?

  2. This is fantastic, thank you.

  3. The GOPhers also want working people of all sexes to drop dead on our 65th birthdays so we can’t collect Social Security and/or Medicare….THAT WE PAID INTO all our working lives. Too late for me!

    If I had known how difficult it was going to be to try to live on $1057 a month (because I was never paid the same salary as the men in the offices where I worked…even thought we all did the same damn thing) I would have opted for physician-assisted suicide 10 years ago. Oooops! That’s not legal, is it?

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