The position had my name all over it. It was perfect. I’ve been wanting to work with or for this organization for a couple of years now and seeing the job posting made me think, “This is it. This is the moment.”
But… I’d been working on putting my application packet together for two days and I wasn’t any closer to finishing it. I was frustrated and annoyed and kept finding ways to procrastinate actually doing the work. And the worst part was, I wasn’t even procrastinating in productive ways. My overabundant garden delivered another 5 quarts of cucumbers, gallon of yellow squash, bushel of onions, trough of beets, bucket of hot peppers and a few boats worth of Zucchini. Not to mention the tomatoes, the apples, the beans, the cabbage, the edible wildflowers…
But I wasn’t processing any of that for storage, I was dinking around on facebook and twitter. I wasn’t finishing any of the 5 promised posts that are currently waiting to go up in this space. I was just moping and delaying and feeling guilty about it. I was spiraling and I couldn’t figure out why.
I called my mom. (Yes, even 35-year-olds sometimes need to call their mom and kvetch.) She gave me the “Honey, the universe is on your side, you just have to decide what you want from it.” speech – which, okay great, but how does that help me NOW? (Yes, I was feeling petulant.)
So, I cornered my hubby (Sorry hubby.) and vented (exploded) at him.
I listed all of the things I felt like I needed to be doing and all of the things I wanted to be doing and asked how in the world I was supposed to make any of it happen.
I lamented the amount of time this application was taking, because I had OTHER SHIT I needed/wanted to do with my time. (Which was why I was on facebook and twitter instead of busting out the application… Can you say “self-sabotage”?)
We talked about what I REALLY wanted and, finally lightning struck.
I wasn’t finishing the application because… I didn’t want the job.
Yes, it’s a great organization, and yes, I want to support them, but when I picture my life 5 years from now, I am not hustling money from behind a desk – I am dancing in a kitchen and sharing awesome food with incredible people. (Incredible food with awesome people?) and getting paid to read (edit) and write books.
To the point of this post, now that you all have the back story.
I’d like to make a couple of wishes, and I’m asking out loud because maybe some of you can help me make them come true.
I wish that sometime in the next three months I’d get hired to cook a fabulous brunch feast for a group of wonderful people who enjoy good food.
I wish that I’d get hired at least once a month to create custom, exotic regional and international feasts for small groups of travel minded people who are missing a taste of their favorite place. (Or homesick transplants who are missing the flavor of home.)
I wish that I would finish designing and printing my jam labels so they look professional and gorgeous when I sell them to my Colorado folk. (I still need to check into the legality of selling them across state lines because they are made in my home kitchen for now.)
I wish that I would give myself the time and space to get back to food blogging once a week, or at least once a month for goodness sake. (Hey, maybe if some of you follow me over there it’ll help encourage that!)
I wish that sometime in the next 6 months one of my out-of-state friends would hire me to cook for one of their events. (Hint, the cooking is free if you cover the airfare and let me crash on your couch while I’m there!)
I wish that one year from now I have enough die-hard clients and supportive friends that when I announce my kickstarter to get either a food truck or a commercial kitchen to expand my offerings it succeeds.
I wish to get hired by some new to home gardening urbanites to help them process and store their harvest bounty before the snows come.
And next year, I hope to get hired to consult some urban gardeners as they get started so that I can keep them from making the same mistakes I’ve made.
In the meantime, I wish to have enough editing clients to keep me in books. 🙂
In short, I wish to make enough money doing what I love and sharing it with the world that I can keep doing what I love and sharing it with the world.
(And for the record, I wish the same for all of you.)
Last, I wish that anyone who thinks that youth deserve access to comprehensive, inclusive, evidence based sexual health education please stop by Colorado Youth Matter and donate what you can. They’re a great organization and they work really hard to help the youth of Colorado get this vital need met, and since I won’t be working for them after all, this ask is the least I can do.
And now, I’m heading back to the kitchen, using Feminist Frequency as my soundtrack.
I’ve got a whole heap of summer veggies to store for the winter.